Jay
by batu2pahat
Summary: Sad romance story with Fed Comm civil war as background.
1. Letters to Jay

            Drip. Drip. Drip.

            I watched the raindrops slowly trickle down from the roof and fall into the growing puddle of water in front of the veranda where I sat, high and dry. 

            Drip. Drip. Drip.

            The dying sounds of the raging storm beyond the awning marked the end of the latest thunderstorm to blanket Assyria. This tropical planet has some of the most predictable storm patterns in the Fed Com, but for the past few days meteorologists have been baffled by the endless series of thunderstorms deluging our paddy fields and swelling our rivers to the flooding point. But I knew why it was raining. Surely there was only one reason.

            The heavens were crying for me.

            The rain and lightning had finally stopped, but the sun had not come out. It had been that way for some time now, everyday being so cloudy and gloomy. Just a week before this, it had all been so sunny and cheery. Well, as cheery as it could get. After all you don't see children playing in the streets when Mechs are stomping around spreading their power and senseless destruction. Some people would claim to be awed by their power. I would've agreed with them a week ago, but no longer. I've had enough of this senseless destruction. 

            I read again the letter in my hand. It had evidently been folded and unfolded many times, judging from the creases on it. The writing on the yellowed paper was mine.

            _Dear Jay,_

_                    I'll be coming back to see you in another few weeks! Our senior exco Colonel Ross said we're winning this war and will wipe out the remaining Hussars in another week or so. Their units have been forced into the starport, and that's the only stronghold they have left. It's fortunate that I'm only in the infantry, for I heard that the Mechwarriors will have to be the ones to do the initial push into the starport and end the Hussar's resistance. Most of us soldiers are being held back outside the starport to contain the Hussars, in case they attempt to break out in the midst of our final attack. There will certainly be a lot of deaths and sacrifices to be made. Don't worry; I will take care of myself. My squad mates have been very nice to me, watching my back all this while. When this war is over, I'll bring them to meet you!_

_                    I'm so sorry I can't write more than this, but my company sergeant is going to come around for his routine inspection. Anyhow I'll soon be back in Jabbar and we'll be together again. Oh how I miss you so much._

_Your loving boyfriend,_

_            Gregory_

            I felt a moistening in my eye, and blinked to clear it. How idealistic I sounded then! Just 20 years old and ready to come back from a civil war and be called a "veteran." In actual fact I had shamelessly joined the Assyria militia only a week or so before sending that letter. The glory of joining the militia and being with them when they successfully drive off the Hussars, representatives of the Ice Queen on our planet, was a chance I didn't want to pass up. After all their recent string of successes was proof of our impending victory, I told myself. Just join some unit serving far behind the front lines and I would get a free commission without shedding any blood, while being able to call myself a war veteran. That would certainly raise my status in society by several notches!

Having no qualifications to be in the Mechwarrior corps, I was assigned to the infantry division. My father knew a senior officer in the militia, a Lieutenant Jerry. Being a rookie, and also with Lieutenant Jerry's help, I was placed in a platoon of older men, meant to serve only as backup in cases of dire situations. The infantry were hardly in short supply, so I hardly saw the front, though I heard plenty of wartime stories from my squad members. Somehow it seemed so distant then, the way my friends like Harry and Tom describing the gruesome ways some of their compatriots died, squashed by Mechs or struck by a stray Gauss rifle round. I lived each day yearning to go back and see Jay again. 

My eyes started to tear again. I wiped it with the back of my hand, and slowly replaced the letter in the metal box by my side. I took out another yellowing piece of paper, which was my second correspondence to Jay.

_Dear Jay,_

_                    It's the sixth day of our siege, and yet the Hussars show no signs of buckling. Don't they ever give up? We've lost almost a whole company of Mechs since the initial assault on the starport. I hate to say it, but it looks like this war is going to drag on a bit longer than expected. I'm so sorry, my love. But I will make it up to you when I get back. The Hussars can't last for long. Their supplies surely will run out sooner or later, and they will surrender. Lieutenant Jerry, my company commander, has been telling us to get ready though. He tells us to expect a last ditch effort by the Hussars to break out and shatter us while we're feeling confident. Let them come! I yearn for action, after being behind the front lines for so long. I hope I can bring a nice medal to show to you. Won't that be great?_

_                    I've got to go now. Lieutenant Jerry's calling for another drill again. I guess he's really worried about our combat readiness state. Miss you!_

_Yours lovingly,_

_            Gregory_

_            I should have seen it coming. Jay had not replied any of my letters for some time. But that wasn't weird. She could've been busy. Besides that, with the planet embroiled in civil war, the postal service was severely undermanned and overtaxed. I thought that I would probably get the letters later, or maybe Jay hadn't even got a letter from me yet at that time. I found lots of reasons to quiet my niggling doubts._

            There was a last letter in that box. I gingerly took it out, and read it silently as well.

_Jay my love,_

_                    I don't know if our militia can take this any longer. We may be the ones besieging the starport but each time the Hussars attempt to break out, we seem to lose more and more ground. We don't even have enough Mechs to guard the defences. Yesterday the Hussars succeeded in wiping out Alpha Company's C&C when one of their Catapults made a successful suicidal attack at their command bunker. One of our good friends, John (from primary school, remember?), was in there at that time. I couldn't recognise him or any of my other friends in the bunker after that. _

_                    I can't wait to get back to you. It seems that this war is getting so bloody. I have yet to face any action but now I'm not so eager to do so. I might never survive my first battle. Oh how I wish this would end now._

_Yours lovingly,_

_            Gregory_

            I grasped the letter in my hands, crushing it in my hold till it was badly crumpled. Then I fumbled in my pants pocket for a lighter, and with my hands shaking, I lit the letter. The yellowing paper burned well, even in such humid conditions. The paper was tossed into the box, where it set fire to the other two letters. The fire slowly consumed the love letters I sent to Jay. 

            Staring into the fire, I recollected the events after the last letter I sent to her. The flicker of the flames reminded me of the flash of gunfire and explosions.


	2. Ambush & Retribution

"This is Sergeant Mallory! We're under heavy fire and need reinforcements right away! I repeat …. " 

            "Baker Zulu here! I sight a lance of Mechs approaching our position. I can't hold them off with my tanks! I need backup …. "

            "Command! We're tangling with 2 heavy Mechs! Need backup! NEED BACK – "

            "We can't move! The short range artillery they've got is pummeling my men to death! Don't we have any aerospace elements left?"

            The radio was crackling with so many calls for help. It seemed that the tide of the war had suddenly turned. Lieutenant Jerry was right. We were not ready at all for the onslaught that the Hussars could unleash. It happened so suddenly. They picked the most opportune time to stage an all-out assault, in the early mornings of the first day of our seasonal harvesting festival. We were supposed to have a chance to unwind at the festivities later in the day, but it looked like not many of us will ever celebrate any harvest festival again. 

            Probably including me.

            My unit was called up to the front, to give backup to an infantry unit codenamed Alpha Zulu. Half an hour before, they requested backup. Without many reinforcements left, we had to be sent. But by the time we arrived at the forest where Alpha Zulu was stationed, we only saw burning and smoking hulks and dead bodies left. Hardly any survivors. 

            "We're too late."

            "Sir, where's them Hussars? We didn't meet `em on the way here, them's got to be somewheres!"

            I felt my pulse quickening. I held on to my assault rifle even tighter. 

            The next thing I know, all hell broke loose.

            A swarm of inferno missiles exploded over our group of infantry. The missiles were loaded with flammable gel which would burn and scatter on Mechs, with the intention of roasting the pilot alive. The gel would coat a Mech and be almost impossible to remove. However, where infantry was concerned, the flames were much more terrible. It was as good as napalm, if not better.

            I do not know what saved me that day, but I managed to evade the ghastly flames and dive into a nearby thicket. The thicket also caught fire, so I dashed out and kept running for my life. I could hear screaming and the cries of the dying behind me. I just kept running till I suddenly tripped over a rock and stumbled. Then all went black.

            When I got up, I was lying on a cloth, surrounded by activity. In the distance, I heard the crash and boom of warfare. Looking around, I realised that I was now in a frontline command centre. An elderly medtech looked over, whilst tying a bandage on another individual lying on another cloth nearby. She finished her knot and walked over. Her overalls had several splotches of blood. She kneeled down next to me and felt my pulse. 

            "Don't worry boy, you're okay now. Can't say the same for your squad, but you got lucky. You had a few minor burns and cuts, but you're all patched up now. Report to Lieutenant Jerry, he's in that command tent over there." With that she patted my head gently and walked off to attend to the other wounded. Now what would the lieutenant want with me? I pondered the sad fate of my squad mates for a while. But time waited for no man, so I got up from the blanket.

            I left the grassy meadow that now served as a makeshift field hospital ward and entered the tent the medtech had pointed to. I saw the familiar face of Lieutenant Jerry and went to him. He was busy shouting orders, so while I waited for him to notice me I observed the battlefield map that was in front of him. The map covered almost the whole planet, and detailed the locations of each unit as well as the enemy units. I noted my hometown of Jabbar, not too far away from our starport and yearned wistfully to be with Jay again. However I saw a red marker placed in the town. In other places like our capital Munkir, a blue marker was placed there instead. Fear flooded through me. 

            "Lieutenant Jerry! Private Gregory reporting as ordered!" I shouted, hoping to get him to notice me then. I needed answers quick.

            He turned and looked at me. He just stared at me for a while before speaking.

            "Private, I've got some bad news for you." I winced.

           "Jabbar has been taken by the Hussars. Two abbreviated lances of Mechs punched through our infantry lines this morning, and we didn't manage to get any reinforcements there in time before they overran Jabbar's single lance of Mech defenders. We've lost contact with the rest of our forces in the town, and must assume that the town has been taken."

            He spoke with such authority and matter-of-factness that I could only stand there, stunned. He continued solemnly.

            "I called you in to join the team of infantry I'm sending in to take back the town. Being natives of the town, we hope your team will find assaulting the town easier. I can only spare one lance of Mechs for you, so it will be a very tough fight. We have not seen any infantry supporting the Mechs, but that doesn't mean there aren't any. What do you think, Private?"

            I stared numbly at him, not knowing what to say yet. In my mind, flashes of my family and Jay continued to play with my senses.

            Lieutenant Jerry frowned angrily and shook me impatiently. "SNAP OUT OF IT, BOY! Your family's in that town! Your father is there too! As much as I want to, I still can't go into the town and save them! I have to lead our attack on the starport! Do you get me, boy?!"

            I managed to stutter a reply. "Y – y – yes sir."

            The lieutenant put an arm around my shoulder and brought me to a quieter corner of the tent.

            "Listen, Greg. Your father put your safety in my hands. I know I'm now putting you in jeopardy, but I can't let your father just die like that now. He's a natural hot-blooded man; he'll surely fight back when the Hussars approach your farmhouse. Now I'm stuck here in the command post. The Colonel just got severely wounded earlier and now I'm the man in charge. You get me? I can't go save your father's butt like he saved mine last time, but I'm not going to give up on him. So I'm depending on you to settle my score with your father. Get me??"

            I focused and tried to forget the flashes in my mind. 

            "Yes, sir."


	3. Retaking Jabbar

            I darted from one corner of the street to the opposite corner. Just in front of me, Sergeant Wye loosed off a burst from his assault rifle down the street, giving me cover fire. I hit the pavement hard, panting from the almost non-stop running we've been doing so far. I joined Sergeant at the corner and helped give cover fire as well to my other squad mates. I thought I saw a shot connect with a soldier down the street, but I couldn't be sure. Regardless, I was starting to grow numb to killing the enemy. I had already killed 3 soldiers, one at almost point blank range when he strayed too far from his defensive line to our position. I could not feel pity for these Hussars who had already ravaged our town.

            When I first saw the town through the binoculars of Sergeant Wye, I couldn't believe the devastation they had levelled in the town square. The Mechs had crushed the statue of our town's founder in the square, as well as waging war on the shops around the town square. I saw the smouldering hulks of our previous lance of defenders lying around in the town square, obviously their last line of defence. The wanton destruction fuelled my rage at the Hussars. How dare they destroy my town?! Even when retreating to the starport, they did not do so much destruction. It appears that in their desperate gasps at vengeance, the Hussars have abandoned their code of honour and started to wage war on the town as well.

            Our lance of Mechs was held back outside the town as we infantry were ordered in to locate the enemy Mechs first. Reconnaissance of the place revealed that two enemy Mechs had been taken down by our defenders, hence dropping the number of enemy Mechs to 6. They were still too much for our lance of medium Mechs, so we had to neutralise as many Mechs as possible first. 

It was quiet at first, but soon the different squads started to report in enemy contacts. It appears that Lieutenant Jerry was right, the Hussars had brought in infantry support after all, but their soldiers were quite outgunned as they only wielded normal shotguns and rifles, while a few of us carried SRM launchers and man-held PPCs. They did have one sniper who claimed a few lives but a well placed SRM round blew out his sniper roost, sadly taking out our clock tower at the same time. More destruction. 

            Sergeant Wye appointed me as his second-in-command after the sniper popped his previous one. So there I was, running around with an increased rank in a town where I grew up. But now where children's laughter used to ring, there was only the sound of death. Sigh. I even saw the grocery store Jay and I used to frequent engulfed in flames. I hoped Mr. Armstrong got away unharmed. 

            Crossing a few more streets brought my squad of 5 men nearer to the town square, where we were supposed to converge with another two squads. We had already met up with armed resistance on three roads, but we knew how to bypass them and outflank their positions. Fortunately for them Sergeant Wye was very level-headed; otherwise we could've fell on their positions and tore them apart with our assault rifles. Instead we just skirted around them and went straight to the town square. At the town square, we stopped and met up with another squad, whom had not suffered any casualties on their way in. Then a call was made on our field radio.

            "Sergeant Mitch here! I've found the locations of an _Awesome, a __Bushwhacker and a __Crab. They are undergoing repairs but are surrounded by a lot of enemy soldiers. Request backup before we engage them! Converge on Arturo's pub now!"_

            Arturo's Pub was pretty near my house, but I felt apprehension at having to see my home soon. Would it be wreathed in flames like all the other shops so far? Would it be levelled like the statue in the town square? Would …. my family be alive?

            Nevertheless, we went to the pub and met up with the Sergeant Mitch's squad. We spied out an attic window to see three Mechs powered down in a small field, surrounded by techs and soldiers. There were a few tents erected around the location, obviously where the pilots and other command staff might be. Crates of ammo were stacked carelessly near a tent in the southwest corner of the compound. A good target. I made a mental note of those crates.

            "Where's Tara? She didn't meet you at the square?"

            Sergeant Wye responded, "Neg. We don't know where she is, and her radio is not responding. We left the square before our meeting time. Maybe they are engaging the last Mech now, with the other squads."

            "Never mind. We've got to take these Mechs out first before they power up. That will even out the odds by a lot. They still don't know we're so near to them yet, and so we've got the element of surprise."

            I spoke up. "Sir, I could get near that tent on the southwest side of the field by passing through that ditch behind it. I've gone through it many times last time. We can hit that tent so fast the enemy won't know what got them."

            Sergeant Mitch shook his head. "Not so soon, private. After you're done with them, you're dead meat. Furthermore we'll lose our element of surprise after that. There's half a company of men down there, more than what we have here. We must find the pilots first and kill them right away; otherwise we won't have a second chance." 

            And, I thought, we won't have a second chance to live later anyway. We were still outnumbered. 

            The three sergeants soon came up with an assault plan, which actually wasn't far from my original idea.

            Wye would lead my squad to destroy the southeast tent, and set up defensive positions which will make sure nobody could easily get near the Mechs. The other squad, under a Private Colin, would take out the southwest tent. Mitch and his squad will spread out to the surrounding houses, start the assault by blowing the remaining tent with their PPCs and snipe at the technicians and officers with their rifles. With much luck, the enemy will be so surprised that they will be in disarray long enough for us other two teams to wipe them out. 

            But of course, as Tom told me before, nothing ever follows a plan in battle. 

           While crawling along the ditch behind the two southern tents, I spied my farmhouse in the distance. It seemed untouched, and I felt a sense of relief overcome me. With my heart feeling lighter, I could fight better. We reached the southeast tent first, and our squad stopped there while Colin's team crawled on to the southwest tent. Later, they would give a birdcall as a signal to show their readiness. Lying on our bellies so close to the enemy, I felt extremely tense. Sergeant Wye continued to survey the scene through his binoculars. He looked so calm. I wish I could share his emotional reserves. 

            Sergeant Wye turned back to us and whispered to us a brief plan. He and two other members of our squad, Daniel and Teddy will move out first and give covering fire. The job of moving out and lobbing grenades into the tent fell to me and Farrell. It would be a 50 metre run to that tent. Just my luck. Farrell was a reasonably experienced grenadier, so I hoped his rounds were enough to do the trick. I was worried I would blow my arms off with my own grenade. The other three gave us their grenades, and Daniel shook my hand.

            "Good luck. You're going to need it."

            We lay there for a minute in silence. The tension was becoming unbearable. I could hear some men joking and laughing out loud in the tent, but that served to heighten my tenseness.

            Then, there was the sound of birdcall. 


	4. Capture

            The sounds of the rifles were becoming deafening. Farrell and I were now running to the tent, taking cover at any opportunity. I loosed a burst of bullets at a soldier attempting to give support to some of his fallen comrades in the middle of the field, hitting him hard in the chest. I didn't wait to see his body drop dead; I just hugged the ground again as I drew some return fire from a machine-gun position behind the killed soldier. Farrell was already hiding behind a stack of supplies, near me and further away from the machine-gunners. We were now about 20 metres away from the tent but the machine-gun emplacement was keeping us from our objective. Splinters flew off the crates as Farrell shouted something to me. I signalled that I couldn't hear him, and he repeated impatiently.

            "What happened to Mitch?? He's supposed to give us covering fire!"

            I shook my head, not knowing how to reply to Farrell. I tried to crawl closer to the tent, but a burst of machine-gun fire raked the grass in front of me and I pulled back to the small bunker of sandbags I had jumped into earlier. 

            For some reason, Mitch had not started the initial assault, so upon the second birdcall Colin led his team to assault the first tent while Sergeant Wye moved out to give Farrell and I cover fire. Colin was lucky, they just lobbed a few grenades near the ammo crates and caused such a big explosion that the tent was wiped out instantly. However their team was hit by the explosion as well, injuring some of them. Now I could see them getting pinned by a machine-gun emplacement near their positions. At this rate, the Mech pilots might be able to get to their machines. Once that happens, we're all done for, even if Sergeant Mitch joins in the fight. 

           I looked behind me and saw Sergeant Wye fire a few rounds at the machine-gun nest. The nest was impossibly defended, since it was located in a natural depression and surrounded by sandbags. The crew were good; they rarely stuck their heads up long enough to become targets. The situation looked hopeless. 

            I stared straight ahead at the tent. Teddy was making sure the men inside couldn't get out, but sooner or later some would make it out and give more reinforcements to the other men in the field. We were going to run out of ammo soon if this carried on. I thought about lobbing a grenade at that extreme distance to the tent. I shouted that idea to Farrell, but he just shook his head. Fine. He probably knows best. Then I thought about the machine-gun nest. It was located in a depression after all. That would make it easier for the grenade to fall in! Another burst of bullets raked the sandbags protecting my position. A bag exploded from the impact of the bullets, forcing me to lie lower. That does it! If I don't do something, I'm going to die here anyway. 

            I took out two out of the three grenades I had. Without any prior experience in hurtling grenades, I sure hoped I wouldn't foul up now, in the middle of this battle. Farrell looked at me questioningly, and I pointed backwards at the machine-gun nest. Farrell seemed uncertain, and shook his head. But I didn't care. I put one grenade in my right hand, that being my stronger hand, and prepared to pull the ring. Suddenly I saw Farrell stepping out from behind the crates long enough to loose off half a magazine of his assault rifle. He was giving me covering fire!

            I quickly got into a crouching position and turned towards the machine-gun nest. The crew were still hiding from Farrell's barrage, and I swiftly took the chance to throw the grenade as hard as I could. 

            Yet, the grenade fell before the depression, and only blew up enough dust and dirt to obscure our vision. Damn! What did I do wrong?

            I lay low, holding on to my other grenade. Farrell was shaking his head, trying to shout to me something, but the machine-gunners were back and kept spraying our position with a vengeance. I noted their shots were wild, though. My initial grenade must have rattled them a bit. This was my chance …. I am going to run to the nest and lob one grenade in!! I ignored Farrell, and started to crawl out of my position, preparing to run. 

            This was going to be a hell of a run. 

            I was just about to get up and run when I heard another grenade explode between us and the nest. I don't know whose bomb was it, but I just ran anyway. The dust obscured my vision, but it would serve to cover my advance too. I pulled the pin out from the grenade, running ever closer to where I thought the nest was. Suddenly, I saw the blurry shape of the nest on my left! I had run beyond it, but no matter. I took a few more steps before I dumped the second grenade in, then I threw myself to the ground. There was silence for a while. Did I miss?

            The next thing I knew, I felt my body being thrown up and flung away from the nest, before I heard; or more like felt, the resounding boom of the grenade. I flipped in mid-air, unable to control my body. Landing hard on my back, I felt a searing pain in my left leg. I didn't cry out, though, and I managed to get up to a better position to see my surroundings. I was barely metres from the _Awesome! I forced myself up and ran over to take refuge near the machine. My leg hurt, but I could still take the pain. I looked around again and saw the machine-gun emplacement I bombed wreathed in flames, and several men lying around the place motionless. Odd. Only then I noticed that there was no more gunfire from the defenders. The last machine-gun emplacement was silent, and instead I saw our infantry pointing their weapons into it. Sergeant Mitch had assaulted the emplacement from behind! I didn't know why he didn't move into the agreed initial positions but he managed to save Colin's group with that swift attack anyway. _

            With the silencing of the two main defence points, the other soldiers soon gave up, some managing to flee. Even with slightly more superior numbers, their officers and Mechwarriors were pinned inside the tent, and Farrell had been brave and quick enough to run over and threaten them all with his grenades after I knocked out the machine-gun nest. Sergeant Mitch soon came and backed him up, confisticating all their firearms.  
            We had won! 

            The field hospital bed was pretty comfortable, dispelling my past notions that it was hell in these field hospitals. Sergeant Mitch had just been around to see me, being the first visitor I had after my short operation on my left leg. It had been hit by shrapnel from the blast I created, but fortunately the injury was light and I would be able to get back into action soon. But not that I was rearing to go back to the frontlines again. I missed Jay, wished she would come visit me soon and spend time with me. I hope she was fine though. Sergeant Mitch gave me a brief report on the status of the war after I was admitted to the field hospital. 

            Jabbar was retaken after our lance of Mechs successfully defeated the remaining 3 Mechs. Apparently the pilot of the _Awesome was the leader of the Hussar team in the town, and losing him caused much disarray and morale loss. Sergeant Mitch's team had almost been surprised by a Hussar patrol, forcing them to fail to secure their pre-determined positions, but they managed to slip away and came back into battle at the field at the right time. Our three squads had suffered very few deaths compared to the other squads, whom were pinned down by concentrated fire from a platoon of Hussar infantry in another corner of Jabbar. We were really lucky._

            But Sergeant Mitch was duly impressed with my performance at the field. 

            "We were already approaching the other machine-gun emplacement, when we saw you make that first crazy attempt at blowing the other nest. Then I expected you to make another attempt. You were damned lucky, soldier. We launched one pack of SRMs to cover your approach to the nest; otherwise you'd never get through the second time. Our SRMs missed the emplacement, but you got near enough to lob that beautiful grenade in and blow them to bits. Hell, I've seen some lucky men, but you've definitely set a new record for me, sonny!" I grinned at the memory. 

            "When you're ready for action again, Greg, call on me. You've got a bright future ahead of you, son!"

            Besides that, Lieutenant Jerry had managed to clinch the biggest victory of all – eliminating the final point of resistance of the Hussars by taking the starport. The abbreviated lance and infantry had been sent to Jabbar to capture some supplies for the starport garrison, as they were almost completely out of rations. That desperate move failed when we successfully recaptured Jabbar, and soon the Hussars at the starport gave up. 

            The door creaked open, startling me from my thoughts. Familiar faces appeared, though very worried-looking.

            "Dad! Mom! You're all okay!!"

            My mother, tears streaming from her face, ran to me and gave me a hug. Astounded by her emotions, I hugged her hard too.

            Dad approached the bed slowly, his face showing signs of relief. My mother stopped her sobbing for a while to sing praises to God.

            "Thank heavens ….. thank you God …."

            "Mom, I'm okay now. Just a minor wound."

            Dad sighed. "I told you to stay away from the militia. But you wouldn't listen."

            "Hey, I'm okay now, Dad. The militia is taking good care of me now. How's everyone? Joseph? How's Jay? Is she fine?"

            Dad's face lost that look of relief, but he kept quiet. Mom sat up on my bed, and grasped my hand. She looked so sad.

            "Your little brother is fine, dear … but Jay ….. I don't know how to put this to you. After your unit won near Arturo's, some of the Hussars fled. Did you know that?"

            This was becoming very ominous to me. "Yes."

            Mom seemed to be unable to find the right words to say. Her composure seemed to wilt even further. Instead, Dad spoke up.

            "Son. Jay was captured by the one of the Hussars."


	5. Conclusion

            The tears didn't end there. My father had told me the half-truth. 

            Only after I calmed down, my mother made Dad tell me the truth.

            "Yesterday morning, when our town fell to the Hussars, several of their squads marched up to our farmhouse. Jay was with us at that time, teaching Joseph physics. I told them to hide in the barn, and I prepared to fight them off. But your mother stopped me. She cried so hard when she thought I was going to kill myself defending them." Dad appeared saddened at the memory. He licked his lips, and continued.

            "They finally found us in the barn. Initially they wanted to round us up and drag us into town to be made prisoners. Then one of them noticed Jay, and wanted to get fresh with her. A few more wanted to join him."

            My eyes widened, but my mother's hands soothed my anger away. 

            "Suddenly one of their squad leaders beat them back. He argued with them, threatened them with court martial. He managed to stop them, saved Jay."

            I let out a sigh of relief. But the sad look was still on my father's face. "What's wrong, then?"  
            "The squad leader was Paul."

            The name was familiar to me, but I couldn't place it there and then.

            "Don't you remember him? I can't blame you. Paul was Jay's first boyfriend, Gregory."

            Then only I remembered. My relationship with Jay had only been two years old, but she had previously been with Paul since childhood. I did ask her before why she broke up with him, but she only replied that she left him after he started to show solid support for Katrina Steiner. She said she didn't want anything to do with politics, and it galled her that her love would be so enthralled by it that he even forgot her sometimes. I had stepped in then, enthralled by **her, and soothed her hurt feelings. One thing led to another, and soon I was the new envy of the town. Initially Paul vented his anger by joining the Hussars, but he wasn't angry at me. He knew he was wrong to have treated Jay that way, but he refused to jeopardise my relationship by making amends with her. **

            But after we'd been going out for more than a year or so, Jay started to show signs of disappointment in me. She would throw small tantrums when I couldn't go with her for walks in the forest, or when I didn't have time to see her home after her weekly tutorship with my brother Joseph. Our relationship started to grow foul very slowly, but I struggled to maintain a strong façade …… 

            I heard the rumour first from my friend Irene. She told me that Jay had been seen with Paul again, though they weren't being intimate. I was suspicious, but not willing to believe Irene. Other friends told me of other instances as well, but I couldn't do much. I was starting to get busy with my new life as a recruit at the militia. With each rumour, I plunged deeper into my training, refusing to believe them. I still went out dating with Jay, and we enjoyed ourselves but as time was short I seldom had much time with her. Jay didn't seem to mind so much anymore, which I took to be a positive sign of progress. 

            I was dead wrong.

            My father continued.

            "When your unit destroyed their command post at the field, Paul got away and ran to our farmhouse. I wanted to shoot him there and then …. But your mother protected him. He did save Jay after all. But very soon our militia soldiers came by, wanting to give us assistance and looking for escaped Hussars."

            "I'm sorry dear …. I didn't know Jay still loved Paul so much," Mom suddenly said between sobs.

            "Huh?"

            Dad frowned and continued his story.

            "Jay offered herself to be his hostage. The militia couldn't do anything. Paul and her got on to their jeep and took off for the forest, leaving the militia soldiers on foot."

            I sank back against the pillows. I did not know whether to weep or laugh. In spite of everything it was I who had destroyed that command post. And I who let Paul rob Jay's heart back from me.

            The fire had long ago consumed the letters, dying in the process, and my vision was blurred by my tears. Even the drizzle had started again. I used my hand to wipe away my tears again. I looked out and saw the not-so-distant town of Jabbar, and the field where I fought on more than a week ago. I got up from my seat, took the ashes and walked off the veranda. A sudden wave of anger coursed through me, and with a loud yell I threw the box, ashes and all, into the flooded paddy fields around my house. 

            Feeling slightly better at venting my anger on the box, I stood there for a while, feeling the raindrops on my face and skin. The rain seemed to soothe my feelings.

            Paul and Jay have not been found, and would probably never be found for many years to come. At the least it would give me time to finish grieving. It is presumed that they succeeded in getting away in disguise on some off-planet transport, maybe with some other Hussar troops. I knew better. They were probably lying low in some other town now, waiting for the right time to leave. The starport was too heavily guarded now, and Paul was a wanted man. 

Personally, I couldn't hate both of them. As much as I want to, I couldn't hate them. I had been the one who initially forced open the rift in their relationship anyway. That Paul didn't hate me was an amazing thing, and so I had to extend the same courtesy to him. Jay? Well, how could I bring myself to hate my first love? I looked up at the sky, letting the light rain patter my face. This time, I let my tears fall freely. I would cry one last time and then get on with my life. 

_"Though it rains, _

_I won't get wet._

_I'll use your love _

_For an umbrella."_

– Japanese Folk Song


End file.
